Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 18: Patriots vs Bills

Things to consider while acknowledging an NFL coach getting fired minutes after beating a Super Bowl contender was not the biggest injustice of January 5, 2025:

--This isn't going to be like any other KJR. It can't be. Not after the most preseason-y regular season game in modern Patriots history. No one's ever going to remember this for anything other than Jerod Mayo getting fired, Joe Milton III, and the Patriots losing the biggest Tank Battle since Kursk by winning.

--Truly, it was the most Augustish of all December games. Starting quarterbacks starting for no reason, then inexplicably getting pulled after a couple of unnecessary snaps. Benches being emptied. Guys you've never heard of. All of us discovering the Patriots have yet another Jones (Truman), a Jennings on offense (Terrell) a Leo (Titus) and got three passes broken up by defensive back Miles Battle, whose name doesn't appear on their official website's roster. So you're probably less in a mood to break down individual plays and bad calls and Adam Achuleta's verbal tic where he uses the word "football" three times in every sentence ("He's going to need some good offensive football out of his football team if he's going to win football games.")

--The game itself will be forgotten, if it hasn't already. It's the NFL version of that disposable, AI-generated Netflix movie you watched, and in the morning you can't recall any of it. No, not that one. The other one. You remember? It had spies? And every time they went to a new place the name of the city was up on the screen? Gal Gadot wore that dress? Dwayne Johnson and Ryan Reynolds were in prison, and he was never more Ryan Reynolds? "Red" something? None of it stuck with you because it wasn't a movie-going experience; it was just a thing you saw. A fish tank on the wall you stared at for 2 1/2 hours and nobody cared less than the people making it, so why should you?

--With all that as preamble, the question of the day is "Which came first, the firing or losing the No. 1 pick?" And as much as I found myself thinking Mayo was told to lose this game and got fired for screwing it up, it's more likely he was already gone before he got out of bed Sunday morning. I mean, it's not like Mr. Kraft scribbled "You are fired as hc of neps" on a square of toilet paper and put it on Mayo's desk. That was some beautiful and eloquent prose in that carefully crafted 500 word statement that came out immediately afterwards:

Personally, I think the last straw for RKK and Kraft the Younger was that 40-7 debacle against the Chargers. The boos. The "Fire Mayo" chants. It was too accurate a flashback to the days they spent freezing in that old concrete toilet seat of a stadium, watching their team go 1-15. It was PTSD kicking in from the time the Pats lost 24-3 to the Steelers and head coach Rod Rust said "I'm proud of our effort." They saw a half empty stadium in Week 17 and knew it was only going to get emptier, and they were right:

And this was a trend that couldn't continue. I agree. 

--Which begs the obvious question, "So why was Mayo coaching this game?" For that, I don't have an answer. After all, there's a reason why the Old World tradition of Two Weeks Notice only goes in one direction. No one ever loses their job as a Hostage Negotiator and then gets told "Listen, before you pack your shit and get out of here, we've got a situation at the First National Bank downtown and we need you to take care of it." You can't fire someone and have them gumming up the works and clogging all the toilets, which is essentially what Mayo did. From what I understand, the coaching staff knew this was coming. According to what I've been told, none of their wives came to the game.As Kim Catrall explained it in Star Trek, this victory was an act of sabotage:

--So what should ownership have done instead? Any other thing but what they did do. Rip the Band Aid off last Monday and elevate one of the coordinators. Name Rod Rust the interim, not letting the fact he died in 2018 stand in the way. I would've hired Bobby Valentine. Appointed the best Madden player from the local Boys and Girls Club. Whoever won the Patriots.com Fantasy league. Put a headset on that creepy robot thing with the googly eyes that roams around Stop & Shop looking for clean ups in the aisles. Defensively, I'd have replaced our linebackers with Stick-and-Box traps and our defensive backs with wads of chewed up Double Bubble hoping the Bills receivers would get stuck in either. I'd have benched the whole offensive line and replaced them with the kinds of school crossing guards who are named Dottie and who get the intersections patrol named after them after working there for 40 years. (Come to think of it, ol' Dot would've been an upgrade.) Just do not leave a guy you no longer want in charge, in charge. When you remove people from power, you have to go all the way with it. That's why the French invented the Guillotine. 

--You can argue it's awful early to start writing the history of all this, but what the heck. Let's jump in now and avoid the rush. I think it'll show that Mayo was simply not ready for this assignment. That he still possesses all the traits people have always seen in him. The ones that made him DROTY, team captain, and hand picked by Bill Belichick for his coaching staff. Mayo is smart and personable, honest and authentic. He just was rushed up the coaching ladder too quickly. Every time you step up to a higher rung, the duties and responsibilities increase exponentially. He had never even spent a day in the Management Trainee Program that is being a coordinator. From that step to head coach, the obligations increase exponentially. For instance, he went from the occasional press availability in training camp to having to face us wretched refuse in the Boston football media several times a week, every week. And he just could not stop stepping on rakes. Which wouldn't matter if his team was winning. But they just kept getting worse. Mayo was basically the Designated Survivor who suddenly found himself behind the Resolute Desk, with no conception of what the job entails, and with crises both foreign and domestic breaking out all over the place. 

--So let this be a lesson to the owners of all businesses everywhere. Let's not forget that when Cleo McDowell promotes someone, he puts him on clean up, then washing lettuce, then fries, then the grill, and then in a year or two, to ASSISTANT manager. That's when the big bucks start rolling in:

--I'm sure I'll be diving deeper into Mayo's fate, along with the rest of his coaching staff, in the weeks to come. For now let's just say that they picked a hell of a time to put it all together. Mayo himself seemed like a new man. I'm not sure I saw him utter a word into his headset all season. I had serious doubts it was even plugged into anything. For all I could tell, it was Bluetooth and he was listening to the Red, White and Booze channel on SiriusXM. Until yesterday. That's when he chose to get animated. Engaging with the coaches in the booth. Working the officials on the sideline. Asking for the Surface tablet. Talking to his players coming off the field. The closest thing I can compare it to is how when I was in school, I'd spent September through May showing up late or barely making the bell, and halfassing all my assignments. But once June hit and could see the end of the year coming, I was the Punctuality Kid. Scholar Boy. Showing up early. Doing the work. Getting my grades just above failing to the point they had to send me onto the next grade. If Mayo had coached this way in October, he'd probably be back next year. So I guess we should be grateful he waited until January. 

--Alex Van Pelt will probably fare better. Yes, he's out a job as well. But he's a football lifer. A survivor who's seen it all and knew how to take care of his business here, on and off the field. Yes, there were issues with his playcalling at times. There always is. But I think history will be kind to AVP's Patriots career. The world will acknowledge he couldn't build what he set out to because the personnel staff never provided him with the standard tools or minimal amount of raw materials he needed to get the project done. 

--For instance, I think he put protection schemes in place that were fundamentally sound and should've worked. But nobody execute them. So every time you had an overloaded blitz to the offense's left, you'd have Vederian Lowe whiffing on two rushers and Layden Robinson staring out at 15 yards of open field. And thanks to both players for getting their obligatory false start penalties out of the way early in this one - Robinson on the second snap, Lowe on the second possession - and removing all the suspense. 

--Before we move away from the offensive line - and believe me, I want to - Demontrey Jacobs should've spun a tablet around to Von Miller, showing him the 15%, 20% and 25% tips on a $1.5 million bonus:

--But enough of that. Let's get to the good stuff. Again, like with an August fauxball game, all we were looking for was good long looks at the guys we haven't gotten to see. And Joe Milton put on a frigging show. We knew coming into OTAs last spring he has high end physical traits, and they were on full display. None worked out better than this scramble to get Kayshon Boutte wide open for the score:

--But I'd argue that just in terms of showing off his arm talent, this sniper round to Pop Douglas was even more impressive. Sprinting to the left and throwing back away from the direction of your momentum, into a tight window, no less, is not something the human shoulder was designed to with any degree of accuracy. But Milton broke the laws of physics with this one:

--Yet his most impressive play was one that … stop me if you've heard this … didn't count … wait for it … because it was called back … almost there … due to a … here it is … holding penalty. If this counted, it would be celebrated in that rarest of places for the post-Brady Patriots: Highlight packages on every cable sports network:

The snap comes at 0:04. The ball leaves Milton's hand at 0:16. You do the math. (Or don't; I'm not the boss of you.) Now add a chaser of Douglas' insane body control and soft hands to finish off this cocktail. Drink it in. It goes down smooth. 

--Aside from Milton's freakish athleticism, the thing I'm most impressed with is his mechanics. His fundamentals. Which we were told were super rough at Tennessee and needed a lot of coaching up. And you could see it in camp and preseason. Well based on yesterday's look, he's put in the work. As have Van Pelt and QB coach TC McCartney. When Milton did scramble or leave the pocket (early and often, out of necessity), he did so with control. With his eyes upfield. His feet more or less under him. There was no hint of panic or any indication the game is too fast for him. Maybe my favorite throw (I can't find a video of it) was the backside curl he hit Antonio Gibson with for 11 yards right before his touchdown run, for the way he stepped up in the pocket while staying in a throwing position and delivered a perfect strike. If nothing else, this is a positive from a game that I wish Milton had lost. But at least he looked like a winner as a QB2 option for the next two years before he's traded for a 2nd round pick. 

--Then there was the touchdown. Whoever takes over AVP's job has to understand he's got two young quarterbacks who can do this to a defense with an RPO:

--The bad news for Jahlani Tavai is that he drew First Blood with a fanbase that has spent the better part of 25 years reveling in the chance to go to verbal war with the entire country. These Massholes are crazy, defensive, paranoid, easily insulted, and fully engaged when it comes to defending themselves and their team. These people are fifth degree Black Belts in the Wiseass martial arts, and you should not pick fights with them:

--The good news for Tavai was there were fewer people there than at training camp practices:

That's just not good for anybody else.

--One Patriots player I genuinely feel bad for is Antonio Gibson, who's gotten better as the season has gone on. And despite the fact he needs to improve in his blitz pickup, it's not out of lack of effort or willingness to take on a rusher. And deserves a bigger role in this offense going forward:

--This Week's Applicable Movie Quote: 

Foley: "You can forget it. You're out!"

Mayo: "Don't you do it! Don't! You… I got nowhere else to go! I got nowhere else to g… I got nothin' else!"

-An Officer and a Gentleman

--Let's look inside the numbers for a little perspective:

--Finally, let me end this on a personal note. It's been a season unlike any other for me. It's been rough in a lot of ways, and yesterday was no exception. My family picked this day for us all to get together with my brother Jim's kids and grandkids, out of a desire to keep seeing one another on a regular basis, as both he and my brother Jack would've wanted. The tough part is that those are the two I spent the most time talking Patriots with. Their thoughts, ideas, and opinions shaped mine more than anyone else ever could. And they've been part of every KJR for the 20-plus years I've been posting them. And no sooner was I done half-watching this game while trying to be a decent uncle than everything went pair-shaped. I had to blog from my sister-in-law's sewing room on a borrowed laptop. And without the two guys who would've most been flipping out about all this news with me. I say this just as a way to say how much I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these every week. To thank you for your support and the kindness you've shown. And for giving me the chance to earn a living doing the thing I most want to do in this world. I say again, strap in. We're in for a wild offseason.